Lies and Fears that Threatened to Stop Me
Updated: Oct 16, 2020
I never set out to write a book. However, when I would tell people my story, from my messy and broken beginnings to how God wooed me and loved me all the way to Him turning my life around and granting me more than I could have ever imagined for my life - well, by the time I finish the last syllable of my testimony, women are often in tears and more than once, someone has blurted - “That needs to be a book!” Easier said than done, for sure! Between the time that I was first encouraged to write a book down to me submitting my manuscript, there were so many times that I wanted to quit and just go hide. Here are some of the lies and fears that I have dealt with. Perhaps you can relate.
I Am Not Qualified
Sure, English was my minor in college, but a writer that does not make me. That’s what I told myself. I never pursued writing as a career, was never invited to write on anyone’s blog nor do I have published articles floating around. All I had was a directive from God.
Well, the good news is that when God calls us to something, the only thing we need is the willingness to be obedient! If we are willing to take steps in bold obedience to what God calls us to do, then He will work things out and provide what we need along the way. When I set out to write, I did not know anything about getting a book published, I did not have a team of people to do marketing, take photos and all kinds of other behind the scenes tasks. However, as I have continued to persevere forward, God has revealed the perfect people for me at the perfect time.
I believe that God loves to use people who don’t have all of the experience, titles and background to do jobs that are beyond them. In that, He receives glory, not people. When we follow God, we do not lack...what looks like lack is just provision that we don’t know about yet. I am still walking step by step into what God had planned out for me from the very beginning.
I Am Not Known
When I spoke to some publishers about my manuscript, one of the first questions they asked was, “How large is your platform?” Number of followers, sphere of influence and notoriety were what mattered. I struggled with thinking that those things were the indicator of whether or not my story was worthy of being told. That frame of thinking discouraged me and I considered scrapping this book idea entirely.
However, do you know who knows me? The God of all creation (insert praise break)!!! Not only are we deeply known by God, but we are also deeply loved by Him. It matters not who you network with, who follows you or even who really cannot stand you. When God wants to do something through you, He will do it and there is not a person on this Earth who can stand in His way. Even when we do meet people who help us along the way, I believe that it is God who brings those people along and He weaves out lives together for His greater purpose.
Don’t worry about who follows you. You follow God and watch what happens!
I Do Not Want to Be Vulnerable
I am not sure anything feels more uncomfortable to me than vulnerability. I know, I know, Brene Brown and others agree that vulnerability is good. I’m working on it. In the meantime, while I wrote this book and shared some of my most cringy and foolish moments, I became afraid. Afraid of being judged, afraid of people not understanding me, afraid of cyber bullying. I have concocted all kinds of scenarios in my mind of what will happen as a result of my transparency. Am I totally cool with it now? Honestly, I am still struggling a bit, but I am being intentional about trusting God.
Hiding our mess is not going to help others who will be able to relate to us to also get freed. Will some people not understand? Sure. Will there perhaps be mean spiritedness toward me? Perhaps? But our job is not to sit and imagine all kinds of things that may or may not happen. Our job is to obey God and trust Him with the consequences.
If one woman gets blessed by my story, if just one moves closer to God and trusts Him with her life as a result of what I share, then I will celebrate!
Obeying God is not comfortable. It should not be. Comfort does not grow us. It is when we push past fears, limiting thoughts and the urge to hide or quit that we tap into new levels of God given power.